Step 1: Derogatory Diminutives
Greetings, simpletons.
As shown in the simple, two-word sentence above, one must think like a dictator in order to conquer--first by recognizing that everyone is beneath you. Everyone.
Your waitress? Beneath you.
Your boss? Beneath you.
Fred, your friend who happens to be a nuclear engineer?
Beneath you.
Regardless of if you are able to force your mind into a power-hungry state, you must at least appear to be a monster. At all times, in all situations, use as many derogatory nicknames as possible: simpletons, minions, plebeians, farmers, Biebers. The options are limitless.
Step 2: Know Your Shit
Literally. You can't rule anything with an upset stomach. Keep your diet in check so that it keeps you at a 3 or a 4 on the Bristol scale.
In the event that a 1 or a 7 insists on disrupting your power struggle, be sure to know your surroundings. Constantly be on the lookout for the closest turd pool.
Step 3: Know Your Competition
And that's me. Good luck, britches.
Also, note that I will be posting creative writing pieces on here from time to time--
1. so you know what you're working against and
2. because I don't know where else to put them.
Emotionlessly,
Emily
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